I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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