WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
