after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
