just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
