why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
