Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
