I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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