I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
