It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
