So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
