guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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