A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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