I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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