He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
