god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
