Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
