ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
