tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
