he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
