Where is the hickey?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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