More tranny stories later!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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