what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
