Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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