i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
