My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
