lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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