Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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