We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
