Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
pop tarts are not kleenex
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
