I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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