What tipped you off? The sombrero?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
40s are totally the cure
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
