She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
