i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize