i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
