watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
