you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
