I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
