Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it's like iHOP with fire
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
