He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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