erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
