So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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