I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
