The maid of honor just puked.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
