I'm going to jail i love you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
