did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
