This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
