i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
