I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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