Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
