Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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