i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
