They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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