when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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