mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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