You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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