I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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