Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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