Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
