how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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