did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She needs sedatives and a leash
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
