I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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