chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
