I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
