I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I look better un-naked...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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