dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize