I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize