so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
