The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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