It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
