Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
