So drunk its hurt
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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