well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
