You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
