Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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