i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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