Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
