it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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