I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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