chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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