epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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