mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize