all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
