About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
